Your descriptions are consistently dark and vivid, and the suspense of simply knowing that someone is watching the three men already adds a layer of depth to this story. Really loved this!
Too many great examples to reference but without spoiling story stuff, I would like to draw attention to this level of detail:
"
Luke ran his fingers over the cold corroded metal of the thing that once held value. Probably touched by countless other hands so long ago. He made imprints on the stagnant buttons, some of them didn’t even push in properly. He wiped off the tiny blank screen near the top. Reflecting the light into it and seeing little bits of machinery brighten up like it was still on. A sigh escaped his nose. His eyes found the grins of children posted up above a wall of summer playthings. The light in their eyes waned, the smiles cracked from time and ruination. He wondered how old they would be now – were they even alive?
"
So rich, but not over-executed. This is a skill that takes time and focus to implement and you did multiple times during this piece. Great job, I loved it!
Your descriptions are consistently dark and vivid, and the suspense of simply knowing that someone is watching the three men already adds a layer of depth to this story. Really loved this!
Thank youu!! 🙏🙏 im happy this piece is working
Too many great examples to reference but without spoiling story stuff, I would like to draw attention to this level of detail:
"
Luke ran his fingers over the cold corroded metal of the thing that once held value. Probably touched by countless other hands so long ago. He made imprints on the stagnant buttons, some of them didn’t even push in properly. He wiped off the tiny blank screen near the top. Reflecting the light into it and seeing little bits of machinery brighten up like it was still on. A sigh escaped his nose. His eyes found the grins of children posted up above a wall of summer playthings. The light in their eyes waned, the smiles cracked from time and ruination. He wondered how old they would be now – were they even alive?
"
So rich, but not over-executed. This is a skill that takes time and focus to implement and you did multiple times during this piece. Great job, I loved it!
You’re super awesome, thank you so much for taking the time to even give it that much thought. I appreciate you!
It's incredible. If you make this into a longer piece, I'll be right there to read more. Now excuse me while I read other stuff you've written. 📚
I loved this story!
I appreciate you! 🙏
Great story--urbex is fascinating and terrifying and you made it even more high-stakes! Really enjoyed this.
That’s such a comment coming from you! I appreciate you even reading, thank you :)
I mean it! And it almost felt like it could be a much longer story. I’m here for it!
It definitely could have! First draft was around 3000 words and I had to shave it down for the challenge 👻 I’m very glad it worked still
It did!
🤧I’ll cry, thank you
Believe in your ability. No one else can tell your stories the way you will. No one!
AGHHHHHH I LOVE THIS SO MUCH!! I’m gonna post a whole review on notes once I’m finished eating. 💃🏼
As long as YOU LIKED IT! 👻🙌 thank you for reading and creating a challenge