Paragraph on Isolation:
From Saint-Lazare
I wish I had a ghost haunting me, the ghost of someone who showed me light in the world. But I have been alone for all my life, in the dark. A few vampires, a few lost ones, but no tender haunting. It is not humanly possible to be that alone. So, I consider myself undead. Moving, doing, but not living. I count on my fingers the years I was able to admire cityscapes. I lost the count of those I only saw a screen that did not send love back. No stroke of luck. No sudden rise in success. No bargain, losing only myself, gaining nothing in return. I watch others live, succeed. It is confusing, at best. I was told it was normal for someone like me. Whatever that meant. I was not told how to find a way to be happy in my own ways. Because people monologue. They talk about themselves only. All the time. Egos. No conversation. No space for my voice, my doubt, my frailty, my strength. I shrunk. To a point I sometimes do not find myself anymore. I get glimpses sometimes, through films, music, words, light, art. But it is a puzzle, and I lost the reference picture on the box. Pretty sure some pieces were lost, stolen, forgotten by the maker. Especially the ones with you, whoever you were supposed to be. I keep looking for you. I eat my heart out for you. Sometimes I think I got you right and wrong in the same person. And then it does not matter anymore anyway. Because I am in the dark with no ghost. And I will never be haunted by something else than the possibilities of me.
Saint-Lazare chose to hide their identity behind that of a French skeleton. In addition to offering their eerie short stories on Substack, they are published by Drek Death & Doom Publishing, Spillwords Press, and The Dread Literary Review. They were also Semi-finalist of the Killer Shorts Contest Season 7 in the Short Story (Prose) category.
THANK YOU FOR READING the words from Saint-Lazare!!!!
Damn
Really feeling this one today 🖤