Another Me:
(CW: Self Harm)
(Giant thank you to
for letting me use his inspirational art as cover.)It began as a tickle or a small itch. Far into the back of my jaw. I tried to pay it no mind. Until it progressed. No more was it a little scratch, but began turning into a twinge of pain. A stab of red. I just made sure my mouth was cleaner than the word itself. It did not work.
I found myself in the dentist's office staring at a wall displaying an underwater world that held a rainbow of tropical fish swimming among the sea turtles and a single distant octopus that hardly had any detail. The aid called my name and I was whisked to the back where they took X-ray scans and a deep cleaning. Fortunately the doctor complimented the state of my mouth. It was a positive ride home but the pain was getting worse.
I nearly abused the pain meds they gave me. The little penny sized pills helped but even then, the numbing needed to be constant. After a week of waiting and eating nothing but soup and talking to no one but myself. The phone ringing had me jumping out of my bed. I answered standing up and numb to one side of my mouth.
“Hello?” I answered as casually as I could.
“Hello Mr. Ramos. We have your scans back and I’m calling to let you know that your mouth and jaw is free from any kind of tumor or blockage causing the pain–”
“Oh! That’s great to hear, a root canal or something then right?”
“Well no, we already checked your mouth on your visit and you showed no signs of cavities and nothing of that degree.”
“Oh. Well the pain is getting worse. What should I do?”
“I suggest if the pain progresses you visit a hospital. Thanks for your time Mr. Ramos.”
He hung up. My breath felt shallow as I rubbed my jaw. More pain medicine it is then and at least I don’t have to worry about cancer now. Jaw surgery. Ouch. I’ll just tough it out until I can’t. Then the hospital would be the only option. With more medicine, I was able to let sleep overtake me instead of the pain. It’s what I needed, I kept telling myself.
What do you think it is?
Whatever the hell it is. It needs to go.
You’re willing to do anything?
Yes. I am.
I was speaking to the darkness. There was no image of a dream. I opened my eyes and blinked. My head snapped around the gray room. Nothing or nobody was around. I am here. It had no voice. More like the words were imposed into my own thoughts. I realized my head no longer felt like it was in a vice. My hands rubbed over my jaw. I opened it and wiggled it around with ease. It felt like I was never in pain, but something else remained.
That is me.
What is this?
I have been growing.
What the hell? This can’t be real. Wake up. I slapped my face.
I tried it again and closed my eyes tightly. Wake up.
It is coming back but I have your solution.
This isn’t real. I need a doctor.
I have to be overdosing. I took too many pills. My knees fell onto a soft rug around the toilet. This has to work right? I stuck my pointer finger down my throat. All I got was a sickening gag and a wet finger.
Still here.
Why?
Salvation from the pain. You need to know. I will tell you, it will be immense.
I coughed and spat into the toilet. I dry heaved and started punching my own stomach. Nothing worked.
Do you feel the twitch?
Yes. My jaw began to itch again. My tongue rolled over the left side of my mouth.
You need to remove me. Before it grows hair and squeaks with life. Or maybe it already has?
How? What? Stop. I slapped myself again.
Cut me out. Before it starts touching your gums with its small fingers. Do you feel it?
I feel nothing. Cut? Where? I slammed my palm into my forehead with a loud thwack! I screamed loudly, “No! God dammit no! Don’t talk.” I whimpered. “What is this?” I stood up to go and grab my phone. I needed medical help. I can’t drive like this.
Warmth flooded into the left side of my face as the pain blared outward. It felt like my cheek exploded into a ball of fire. My body lurched forward as my hands shot up to my mouth.
It is still growing. Do you know what it feels like to be ripped apart from your insides? All the fluids it will secrete will fill you up more than any meal you have had before. A wave of constant cold shivers. As it removes you like peeling skin off a tangerine. YOU need to remove me NOW!
The last words seemed to squeeze onto my brain with ferocity. It felt like it wanted to split my head in half. More needles of pain shot out from the inside of my mouth. I gagged and finally threw up in the sink. It was a chunky, colorful rain of fluids. I found a strand of hair lodged in my throat. I groaned and pulled it out with another sickening heave. With my forefinger, I felt the left side of my mouth and touched a small brow of slimy hair. It was right. It was growing. I felt them again. Then with my tongue. The reality of it all was undeniable. It was there. Another me.
I stood up again. The constant stinging of agony made me have to hold my mouth slightly open. Our thoughts became one.
The gun would do it just right. Do not let agony consume you. Find salvation.
My legs carried me to the bedroom door. I held onto my cheek with my left hand and pulled out a .45 caliber handgun from under my bed. Cut it out. Cut it out. The gun would do it. It was already chambered as I sat down. Removal.
I put the handgun in my left hand and jabbed the barrel into where the torment was pinpointed at. I rolled my tongue in my mouth one last time. The hair brushed against it and I yelped in pain as the thing twitched against my teeth. I need to remove it. Cut it out now. Without a second thought I pulled the trigger.
My cheek felt the heat of the bullet first. It scorched it black and red as the round came cascading into my jaw. The recoil sent the gun out of my hand and spiraling across the floor. Adrenaline caused my body to shoot up into a standing position. A guttural moan whispered from the hole that hollowed out my cheek. Did someone turn on the faucet? No, I live alone. I looked down at myself. It was the sound of my life spilling onto the floor. The blood streamed down and pooled around my feet.
The pain was gone and in its place was a different feeling. Like someone had put a beam of sunlight onto my cheek. I stood there a moment as the blood flow steadied to a drip. I made eye contact with a moonlit corner of my room. There was a slim figure of a man, it was my height. The eyes sparkled through the blackness and were outlined in joy.
It looked familiar but its details were blurred. I blinked a few more times as my mind basked in the silence. I felt my body sway back and forth between life and death and then salvation.
(Image credit to
.)
Eyyy, thanks for using my art- it looks great in amongst your writing!
This is still one of my favourite pieces of horror on Substack, body horror always puts a shiver down my spine.
Thid is a horror movie. An intense, hide behind the popcorn box horror movie!